I know exactly what you are talking about. I am a licensed attorney since 2016 and have had my degree in information science for almost a year now. I spent two years working for myself and then two and a half years at a law firm. I have been praised for my work in the courtroom and in the office. I have five degrees, all of which I obtained with a B+ average or better. I have multiple awards and certifications. However, even though I have all of these accomplishments, I have always felt like an imposter.
I felt like an imposter throughout college and in my careers, both as an attorney and as a librarian. I always felt as if I was not as smart as my fellow students or as talented. I have known multiple individuals during and after my academic career that could quote cases and articles. People that could recite verbatim the biography of some person who helped found what I do today. I'm lucky if I can remember the title of a case I have read a hundred times.
I still suffer from this today. I worked in the same place for years, but I would still have reoccurring nightmares that my boss would walk into my office one day and fire me because I was a fraud. It didn't matter how many times I was praised for my work or told by others that I was the best attorney in the office, I still felt that I was inadequate. Even when I worked for myself, I had nightmares that people would find out I was a "fake". In fact, I just had one of these dreams two weeks ago.
The sad part about this whole affair is that I know I am not a fake. I know I am capable of doing the work and succeeding in my career. However, I can't stop the little voice in my subconscious that contradicts what I know to be true. I have been to therapy. I have multiple accolades and awards, but I can't help how I feel. I simply work through it everyday and always tell myself that I am the real deal, hopefully always a little louder than the small voice in the back of my head.
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Adam Harness
Digital Collections & Initiatives Instructional Librarian
Charleston School of Law
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Original Message:
Sent: Dec 01, 2021 11:03 AM
From: Ella Gibson
Subject: Online Discussion Forum December 2021 Topic: Imposter Syndrome
Hi all,
My name is Ella Gibson and I'm a member of the NMRT Online Discussion Forum Committee. The committee's December 2021 is Imposter Syndrome. In recent years there has been quite a bit written about imposter syndrome in libraries (see: here and here for a couple examples). I hope you'll be able to take a moment and participate right here in Connect; you just have to hit reply.
As someone new to the field though I can say I've acutely felt imposter syndrome at various points ranging from my time as a student to being on the job hunt and even now in my current position. Objectively I can usually try to rationalize it, but it doesn't stop me from anxiously feeling like a fraud at times.
Has anyone else experienced any feelings of Imposter Syndrome? How has it impacted you? Have you found ways to focus on a more positive mindset? Please feel free to share as much as you feel comfortable detailing in this space.
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Ella Gibson
Online Learning & Instruction Librarian
University of Colorado Colorado Springs
She/Her/Hers
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