NMRT (New Members Round Table)

Hi all,

My name is Ella Gibson and I'm a member of the NMRT Online Discussion Forum Committee. The committee's December 2021 is Imposter Syndrome. In recent years there has been quite a bit written about imposter syndrome in libraries (see: here and here for a couple examples). I hope you'll be able to take a moment and participate right here in Connect; you just have to hit reply. 

As someone new to the field though I can say I've acutely felt imposter syndrome at various points ranging from my time as a student to being on the job hunt and even now in my current position. Objectively I can usually try to rationalize it, but it doesn't stop me from anxiously feeling like a fraud at times. 

Has anyone else experienced any feelings of Imposter Syndrome? How has it impacted you? Have you found ways to focus on a more positive mindset? Please feel free to share as much as you feel comfortable detailing in this space.

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Ella Gibson
Online Learning & Instruction Librarian
University of Colorado Colorado Springs
She/Her/Hers
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I am no stranger to feeling like an imposter! It especially creeps up when I start new roles, like when I was in sales (that was the worst!). Most recently, I have felt it when completing my final projects for grad school. I tend to get in my head and question whether I am qualified enough to be proposing any of my topics. This doubt slows me down (especially in the last push of the semester), but what helps me stay on track is realizing that everyone starts from zero. No one ever started a new career or role already being an expert! There's room for improvement and the more I experiment and try new classes or ideas, the more qualified I become.

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Erin Castillo
Student
San Jose State University School of Library & Information Science
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I know exactly what you are talking about. I am a licensed attorney since 2016 and have had my degree in information science for almost a year now. I spent two years working for myself and then two and a half years at a law firm. I have been praised for my work in the courtroom and in the office. I have five degrees, all of which I obtained with a B+ average or better. I have multiple awards and certifications. However, even though I have all of these accomplishments, I have always felt like an imposter.

I felt like an imposter throughout college and in my careers, both as an attorney and as a librarian.  I always felt as if I was not as smart as my fellow students or as talented. I have known multiple individuals during and after my academic career that could quote cases and articles. People that could recite verbatim the biography of some person who helped found what I do today. I'm lucky if I can remember the title of a case I have read a hundred times.

I still suffer from this today. I worked in the same place for years, but I would still have reoccurring nightmares that my boss would walk into my office one day and fire me because I was a fraud. It didn't matter how many times I was praised for my work or told by others that I was the best attorney in the office, I still felt that I was inadequate. Even when I worked for myself, I had nightmares that people would find out I was a "fake". In fact, I just had one of these dreams two weeks ago. 

The sad part about this whole affair is that I know I am not a fake. I know I am capable of doing the work and succeeding in my career. However, I can't stop the little voice in my subconscious that contradicts what I know to be true. I have been to therapy. I have multiple accolades and awards, but I can't help how I feel. I simply work through it everyday and always tell myself that I am the real deal, hopefully always a little louder than the small voice in the back of my head.

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Adam Harness
Digital Collections & Initiatives Instructional Librarian
Charleston School of Law
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Hi everyone,
I'm so happy that this topic is being discussed. I tend to feel like an imposter especially whenever I'm in a new position. Some days are worse than others but like Adam I try to drown out that negative thought with a reminder of the fact that I'm capable and that my achievements are proof.  I agree with Erin, everyone starts at zero. There's always a point where you're learning and growing. I remind myself of that and that thought helps me through the rough days.

Remember that you've worked hard to be in the position that you are in. Don't be so hard on yourself and take one day at a time. At least, that's what I tell myself!

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Best,
Doreen Dixon
Hempstead Public Library
New York
She/Her/Hers
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Everyone's brought up so many great points, and I'm glad this topic is one that we all find value in discussing. I have a teaching background prior to librarianship and for whatever reason convinced myself I couldn't teach when it came time to provide my first instructional sessions in my new position. Thankfully a colleague was a great resource as I worked through that anxiety and sense of impostership (which probably isn't a real word...) but it really demonstrated to me how pervasive something like this can be. 

I feel as though normalizing these types of conversations and creating spaces/opportunities at work where we can receive feedback that may be critical without any threat of negative ramifications could be really helpful. Though I, like Elizabeth said, am probably my own harshest critic so sometimes even asking for that feedback can be difficult if I'm not feeling confident in myself. That positive mindset can be hard to maintain. I have found small positive feedback on simple tasks can sometimes dull the feeling of being an imposter.

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Ella Gibson
Online Learning & Instruction Librarian
University of Colorado Colorado Springs
She/Her/Hers
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Imposter syndrome can be really hard to identify and then rectify. I recently started a new job in a different part of the field (public to academic library) and it's hard to know if I truly am not understanding the assignment or if I am doing well. I spent a decent amount of time in public libraries so I had a better grasp of performance metrics, but in this new part of the field it's definitely more of a mystery to me! Like many I'm definitely a people pleaser so I need to also remember that sometimes pleasing people and doing my job well align & sometimes they don't.

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Morgan Brickey-Jones
K-12 Librarian
University of Texas At Arlington
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I sometimes joke that having imposter syndrome is the only thing I don't feel like an imposter about. It's been a huge challenge for me my whole life-- in college I was convinced all the way through my sophomore year that they had admitted me by mistake and were going to realize and kick me out. (They didn't and I graduated with some impressive achievements.) It hit especially hard when I first started this job in January. Quite frankly, I still feel a little surprised when people ask for my thoughts and take me seriously! The imposter syndrome makes me feel like I'm behind, like everyone else knows what's going on and I don't.  It also makes me second-guess myself constantly, which slows me way down. I've had to work very consciously on my self-talk.

At some point this year, my imposter syndrome sort of changed into trickster syndrome. Instead of, "I don't belong here and they're going to figure that out," I started feeling kind of proud of myself for being able to trick people into thinking that I belong here. That's slowly evolving into a level of confidence. I'm realizing that I do know what I'm talking about and my voice does have value. No one, regardless of how much experience they have, has all the answers or knows everything. I'm learning and growing every day and I'm feeling more and more capable. So my imposter syndrome comes and goes now, and some days I actually feel like I do belong in this position. It's progress!

I do recommend trickster syndrome as an intermediate step, though. It's much more fun than feeling like an imposter.

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Miranda Axworthy
Reference & Instruction Librarian
Castleton University
She/Her/Hers
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Why do we experience imposter syndrome? What's the root of this negative thought process?

Is it family-related, society related or both?

Personally, I've tried to identify a possible source but it's hard to do so.

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Best,
Doreen Dixon
She/Her/Hers
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I don't think it's that simple. I believe family and society definitely have a role to play, but I think part of it is also your own self-evaluation. Growing up, I was always told I would amount to nothing by family, fellow students, and some teachers (although I was a straight A student). I was a "loser" that "didn't fit in". I even had a professor in college tell me that I was a waste of space and should have never been admitted. That is definitely a cause of my imposter syndrome, but not the root.

For me, I usually compare myself to my associates around me at work. These are people I look up to and admire. They seem to be much smarter and more accomplished than I am, and I have trouble seeing myself as one of them. Part of my problem is that I have always been surrounded by people more experienced than myself, and as a result,  feel like an idiot around them. Someone raises a concern or asks a question, and they have ten answers before I have even wrapped my head around the question. I know this is just from my lack of experience, but it still causes me to sometimes feel like I don't really belong.  However, I am one of them. I have the same credentials and skills they have. I just have to keep reminding myself that time and experience will allow me to also sharpen my abilities.

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Adam Harness
Digital Collections & Initiatives Instructional Librarian
Charleston School of Law
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Original Message:
Sent: Dec 09, 2021 09:05 AM
From: Doreen Dixon
Subject: Online Discussion Forum December 2021 Topic: Imposter Syndrome

Why do we experience imposter syndrome? What's the root of this negative thought process?

Is it family related, society related or both?

Pesonally, I've tried to identify a possible source but it's hard to do so.

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Best,
Doreen Dixon
She/Her/Hers
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Original Message:
Sent: 12/9/2021 10:06:00 AM
From: Doreen Dixon
Subject: RE: Online Discussion Forum December 2021 Topic: Imposter Syndrome

Why do we experience imposter syndrome? What's the root of this negative thought process?

Is it family related, society related or both?

Pesonally, I've tried to identify a possible source but it's hard to do so.

------------------------------
Best,
Doreen Dixon
She/Her/Hers
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Original Message:
Sent: 12/10/2021 11:30:00 AM
From: Elizabeth Doherty
Subject: RE: Online Discussion Forum December 2021 Topic: Imposter Syndrome

I find that a lot of people who were identified as "gifted" kids early on tend to suffer from it.  That's certainly my experience: I got good grades in elementary and secondary school, but that had more to do with my pre-existing academic reputation and my ability to suss out what the teacher wanted than it did with any actual work I did (I've never forgotten getting an A on a history paper that was literally introduction, 1-1/2-page quotation, single paragraph, 1-page quotation, conclusion.  I would've failed me for it).  Once I got to college and realized I'd never learned how to study, the imposter syndrome hit and hit hard.

--

Elizabeth Doherty (she/they)

Young Adult Librarian

Walpole Public Library

143 School Street

Walpole, MA 02081

Hi everyone, 

I hope you had a restful and rejuvenating holiday period. This conversation was really important to me because sometimes I think we feel like silos with our feelings. It's nice to relate to others and share experiences to know we all are working on overcoming things like imposter syndrome together. Below is a short recap of some of the things that were discussed during December's conversation.

ODF Imposter Syndrome Recap

• Feeling like an imposter in school and in the workplace despite grades and/or accolades
• That we sometimes judge ourselves harsher than other people are judging us
• New positions/new situations bring out some of the worst feelings of imposter syndrome
• Questioning the root of imposter syndrome and where these feelings stem from
• "Trickster syndrome" as a different way to approach because you are successful in what you're doing and keeping a more positive mindset can be difficult and this is a way to think about it moving forward
• Positive affirmations are helpful!

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Ella Gibson
Online Learning & Instruction Librarian
University of Colorado Colorado Springs
She/Her/Hers
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